RANSVESTIA

gusting to even talk about and that if I simply stopped thinking about it the problem would disappear.

I waited a week for the tension to ease and then suggested she at least let me try dressing a few times to see what happened. Very reluc- tantly she agreed. I bought a simple dress, lingerie, inexpensive shoes and accessories. Wigs were prohibitively expensive in 1950 so I simply used a kerchief over my head for this experiment. To avoid any indica- tion of overdoing it I refrained from using cosmetics. In the evening I changed in the bathroom and spent an hour or so quietly reading in the corner of the apartment. My wife eyed me with sickening ap- prehension and said nothing of the entire evening. For the next few days she was withdrawn and depressed. I tried dressing a few more times with the same results. Finally she said that my dressing made her so upset that she just couldn't stand any more of it. Shortly after this we gave the handful of feminine articles to the Salvation Army.

Crushed, I went back to the psychiatrist and tired to find a way out. He told me of the traditional technique of attempting to sub- limate a problem such as transvestism into a socially acceptable hob- by, work or other activity, but felt that this was generally unsatisfac- tory. He suggested I use my ingenuity to find a place to hide a small wardrobe of feminine clothes and dress in secret when the occasion permitted. He admitted that this too was a less than satisfactory way out because the furtive and clandestine nature of it tended to increase guilt and tension.

Finally he recommended I diligently work toward creating a shell of security and stability for our marriage, work toward acquiring a comfortable home, adequate money for the necessities of life, en- joyable vacations together each year for rest and relaxation, all the while loving my wife as deeply as possible in every sense of the word. This would provide a solid foundation for our marriage and build up an emotional storehouse for the day when hopefully I could call upon her for greater understanding of my transvestism. For immediate relief he suggested I at least experiment with attempts at secret dress- ing and with sublimation of the transvestism into a satisfying hobby, until such time as my wife softened her attitude toward cross-dressing.

I spent many days trying to sort out my thoughts and take stock of my situation. I tried to put myself in my wife's position and with an

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